Answer:

It sounds as if you have a good working relationship with your manager and the owners. I’m sure they would be quite upset if you left your job over this issue.

It’s time for less subtle tactics. If your supervisor didn’t get it when you told him his cologne made you gag, I doubt he will take you seriously unless you tell him straight. I suggest that you approach your manager during a quiet time in the day and tell him in a matter of fact way. The more you sugar coat it or dance around it, the harder it will be for you to deliver the message and for him to hear it.

For instance, “Al, I’ve been getting some serious headaches at work over the last few months and I think it’s because I’m allergic to your cologne. It only seems to happen when you’re in the office. Sometimes the headaches are so bad I even get nauseous. When you use a different brand, it doesn’t seem to affect me. Remember that cologne I bought you at Christmas? I didn’t have any headaches when you wore that, so it must be just the particular brand you are wearing now.”

I suspect that your manager will respond favorably to your unemotional, straightforward approach. If you don’t get an appropriate reaction, you need to let him know that you will be forced to find a new job, however, don’t use this as a threat.

As a last approach, talk to the owners about the situation. Using the same, unemotional style, let them know that this is a serious situation for you. Explain that you have told your manager but he hasn’t taken you seriously. (Assuming he has misunderstood you is better than saying he is insensitive to your needs. This sounds less accusatory and will allow your boss to save face and continue to have a good working relationship with you.)

With the shortage of good employees, I suspect that a rationale approach will result in a quick resolution of this problem. If it doesn’t, there are a lot of good employers who will be more than happy to make you an offer.

Answer

This employee needs to see a “video” of her own behavior and the effect she has on others. It needs to be Technicolor and specific in detail. Since you can’t record her behavior on tape, you must be the “video”. Repeat back to her exactly what she has done or said, and how she said or did it. Then describe exactly how this is hurting her. For example, “This morning, I noticed that you threw your papers at Claire and stormed off when she asked you if you were done with your report. When you have a “bad day” like this, it hurts you and everyone around you. Your co-workers aren’t going to want to work with you, people are going to tiptoe around you and, frankly, I can’t consider giving you higher level responsibilities if I’m going to worry about how you interact with others. So, I want to talk to you about ways you can change your behavior on bad days.” If it continues, spell out the consequences (perhaps her annual increase would be affected) and make it clear that it is inappropriate in a team environment and must be modified.